"How far are we going with this?"

"How far are we going with this?" My soon-to-be husband's voice was cautious, tinged with concern. My heart dropped as I met his eyes and saw fear. I replied, "What do you mean? How far are we going with this?" Awkward silence settled between us.

This question was asked in September 2023. Let me backtrack for a moment. This question was asked at a pivotal moment in our faith journey. A couple of months prior to this question, my family was hit with devastation when I received a cancer diagnosis. Newly engaged, with my 2 beautiful boys, we were excited about the life we were building. Business was going well, and days felt productive.

Our faith was lukewarm - I believed in God, prayed to God, but never knew you could have an interactive relationship with our Living God. I didn’t believe in church and religion; I cringed at the words “obedience,” not understanding any of it, and was full of judgment. I instead called myself “spiritual”. Years prior, my friend gave me a Bible as a gift, and I gave it back to her and told her, “It was too much drama”. My soon-to-be husband, Nick, was raised Catholic, yet neither one of us was pursuing a life with or for God.

Shortly after my diagnosis, my friend, Rachel, sent me a text that only said Joshua 1:9. No description, no scripture, only Joshua 1:9. I could have googled it, but instead, my heart pulled at me and reminded me that I had a Bible somewhere that I had purchased a couple of years back and remained unopened. Finding it, opening up to Joshua 1:9, instead my eyes were immediately drawn to a scripture that the author had highlighted, and it was Joshua 1:8:

My life changed after reading that scripture.

Reading that scripture, over and over, as my world was falling apart, I realized this was an immediate lifeline directly from God Himself. From that day forward, I began to take God literally at His Word. There would be no question in my mind about how far I am going with this, because I was all in. That was the day, and that was my moment. I wanted to know Him deeply. I hungered for knowledge and His presence. My actions began to follow suit with prayer and time in His Living Word. We started attending church at the Tree, and every time God would highlight something in our lives and behavior that was not in alignment with His Word, we would follow in immediate obedience.

Fast forward to the question: This question came up about 6 months into our faith journey with God. I had finished up with my treatment for cancer a couple of months prior and was still healing from the effects of that, and we were preparing for our upcoming wedding. At this point in time, we had stopped being intimate as God had highlighted our sexual sin prior to marriage. You would have thought it was obvious, but it literally took the words from our Pastor's mouth during a sermon, saying, “If you are having sex outside of marriage...STOP,” along with an entire list of other acts of disobedience. Again, when our blind eyes were opened, we followed in obedience.

Until that question...

“How far are we going to go with this?”

I can’t even remember now what the next step of faith God was calling us to in that moment, but at the time, it was disconcerting enough to prompt definite hesitation. Not just hesitation, but our first crossroads in our faith walk as a couple. From our faith in our financing to how we were spending our time and resources, our livelihood was all coming into question. Layer upon layer, God kept calling us into deeper and deeper obedience, and then the resistance came.

It wasn’t just the thought of losing control but also losing our identity. To say it bluntly. “Are people going to see us as Jesus Freaks? ” was a genuine hesitation in Nick’s heart. Even though those words never came out of his mouth, the implied fear was there. He hadn’t had his moment yet. I had mine when God turned me to that scripture, and even though I continually wrestle with things as God continually asks us to go deeper and deeper in relationship with Him, the answer is “Yes” and will always be “Yes” time and time again. In the heartbreak and joy of whatever that yes brings.

A Saturday night of silence, heaviness, and talks that went nowhere led us to church the next morning with unanswered questions. God and only God gave Nick his moment in His perfect timing, according to His perfect plan. That Sunday morning, God laid it out through our pastor's sermon titled "Individualism vs. Community." There we stared at a screen that says “It’s my money, It’s my time, It’s my talents, It’s my goals, It’s my plans, It’s my purpose, It’s my body, It’s my truth, It’s my life.” (Individualism) vs. (Community) “It’s God’s money, It’s God’s time, It’s God’s talents, It’s God’s goals, It’s God’s plans, It’s God’s purpose, It’s God’s body, It’s God’s truth, It’s God’s life.”

Following a life with Jesus cannot coexist with a life of individualism. It is impossible, and we can’t just pick and choose which areas we are comfortable walking in obedience and ignore what doesn’t fit our preferences. When it gets too uncomfortable, we draw the line at “this is where I stop” and self-justify our decision. This is disobedience, no matter how we sugarcoat it to ourselves. Delayed obedience is still disobedience. Alacarte obedience is still disobedience. When Nick asked me that question, “How far are we going with this?” He was preparing to draw that line and be comfortable with it. Fear, the enemy, and all the unknowns were cheering him on to draw that line.

God calls us into community. He asks us to surrender our way, our lives, to Him for a better way. As Pastor Matthew explained, when we make a decision to follow Jesus, to be a Christian, to become baptised, many times we miss what this truly represents; it means cutting away our old life and dying to our old self, being crucified with Jesus in that moment, declaring to ourselves and outwardly that our entire life belongs to God. It is no longer “My life, my wants, my, my, my”; instead, you are surrendering it. Surrendering everything and being resurrected to Jesus in new life.

When you genuinely have this moment of complete surrender to God. To say “I am giving you my ALL to you.” It’s in that moment that we truly experience the filling of the Spirit in our lives to empower us to live the life that He has called us to live.”

Have you had this moment? Where you say, “I give you MY EVERYTHING.” Or are you slowly questioning or even confidently drawing a line between you and God? That line is a separation. There is no in between.

Nick erased that line after that sermon. As we walked deeper and deeper in surrender to God’s plans, we continually said yes.

We said yes to God and lived happily ever after.

Jokes Haha! Track with me here and stick to the end. It gets worse before it gets better. Did our lives see immediate blessings from our obedience? Well...No.

Shortly after, the cancer that was stage 1 and 90% curable, went to stage 4 in my lungs with a life expectancy of 1 1/2 years. God was shifting everything around us so quickly that we felt we couldn’t breathe. It was a slow season in our business, and we faced financial struggles as well. It didn’t feel like there were many blessings in this season. We had definite questions for God. I remember barely being able to breathe, in between sobbing, repeatedly saying “God, I don’t understand, I just don’t understand.” and in another powerful moment of praying, begging, and pleading as my soul was pouring out of me “God please just make a way, please just make a way, please just make a way.”

God continually called us to trust Him. In my health, in our finances, in our lives, in every way, and we had nowhere stable to cling to except Him, so that’s what we did. We continued to trust, lean in, and be obedient as He led us day by day.

In the last 2 years, since we gave Him our yes, He has called us to give up our idols, our way of life, our livelihood, and our way of being, thinking, and existing. He called us to sell our assets, our safety net in this material world. He showed me that I was holding my health as an idol, and I had to surrender that to Him. To the outside world, our radical obedience looked destructive. Instead, it was God deconstructing everything we built in the wrong kingdom, and now here we sit, deconstructed and made new, awaiting His reconstruction in His kingdom and for His kingdom.

When God removes things, He replaces them with so much better.

He asked us to sell our assets and step down from our businesses. He took the pressure and gave us peace.

He asked us to trade our hustle for humility.

The badge of busyness for being.

He led us from scarcity to stability.

The mindset of "more is better” to realizing that "less is blessed.”

He led us from being maxxed out in every area of our lives to creating margin to do what He calls us to do.

When the enemy came after my health, God gave me life. He led our family through a journey of healing, forgiveness, and miracles that only He could write. He took what the enemy meant for harm and turned it into His testimony of His faithfulness.

The greatest gift He gave us and continues to give us is a living relationship with Him. His presence, His real tangible presence, is here with us every day, guiding us into the new life that He gave us, set apart for His purposes.

The gift of knowing God is real, not just real, but a relational God who knows our every thought, our hearts, and every cell in our bodies. To know that God is with us, made us, chases after us, and loves us beyond measure brings a peace beyond understanding.

He gave us His gifts of the Holy Spirit, from speaking in tongues to gifts I don’t even know how to describe. I get to hear and talk (yes, a two-way back-and-forth conversation) with our Living God, our Heavenly Creator! In unconventional ways and in abundant ways to be guided in detail by Him! Gifts that we don’t even know what to call, how to use, or what to do, but we trust Him and know that He will guide us.

He gave us a vision for the future: to build our forever home to raise our boys, a place where others can come to make their own prayer candles, fellowship, a place of healing and restoration that points everything back to Him.

He gives us our daily bread and provisions as we sit in the wilderness, awaiting reconstruction to build in His kingdom and for His kingdom. Literally and figuratively, to build the vision He has given us.

What God has given and continues to give to us is so much more than what was removed from our lives. Again, all replaced with so much better. It’s not always served up in a pretty package, and transitions are scary, but we trust Him. God wants to give each of us the most abundant life, but we won’t experience that until we give Him our full yes in every area. Every time we say yes, we are surrendering our expectations, our plans. Remembering it is God’s plan, God’s timing, and God’s ways, and He is so, so, so good. Squeezably good!!!

A life of surrender and obedience is not done in perfection or holier than thou. It’s messy. We take small steps of obedience as God takes us deeper and deeper. We fail over and over. Failing, wrestling, doubting, conviction, repenting on the daily are all part of it, but with hearts that continually say yes, we are met with big, big grace by our Loving Father.

So my prayer for you who is reading this is: please, when you find yourself asking, “How far are we going with this?” or even when you subtly notice the line you are drawing between you and God when He asks for a deeper surrender from you. Say Yes. Go all in.

Please don’t dip your toe in Christianity. As my mother always says, “Jump in, the water is fine!” It’s more than fine, my friends. It’s exhilarating and wild in the best ways! We are not in control, and that is a beautiful place to be. Entrust your life, all of your life, to Him. It’s all His anyway, and it’s only fear and the enemy standing in the way of the life God intends for you to live. Choose Him. Choose Life. You will not be disappointed.

Entrust yourself to the one who owns it all.

God placed this writing on my heart a week ago. The beginning was written, yet I didn’t know how far I was going with this article, and then, again, God met us Sunday morning with this sermon. I pray that you start this new year by entrusting yourself to God. Give Him your full yes. If you don’t know where to start or find yourself hesitating, please reach out to Nick or me. Let’s have coffee or tea! And please watch this sermon (Entrusted at the Tree Church in Lancaster) and join us at church for the rest of the series. We will save you a seat!